🔗 Share this article

The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases this generation is using to navigate love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

---

A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {