Those Phrases from A Parent That Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who still internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."